yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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