p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
