If i come over, it means nothing
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
