when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
