It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
