I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
