My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
