Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
