Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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