then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize