If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You smell like stripper and shame
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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