I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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