bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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