i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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