Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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