Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize