i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
