If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
