yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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