I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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