Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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