waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
