I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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