Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
