Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
