o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
