his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
