She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
