Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
