i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
