Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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