I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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