If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm at about main and main street
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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