would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
