Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ttyl tear gas
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
