i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
