I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
