Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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