Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
