I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
