all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
