I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
