Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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