Your mouth is God's brothel.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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