Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
