After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
