you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
