Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
