Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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