My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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