im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
