After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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