Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize