1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
