so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize