i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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