Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
two words: eviction party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
