I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
