I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
