Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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