Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
