we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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