So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
