Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
