He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
