My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
