check it out our google latitudes are spooning
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
