ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
