My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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