Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
