so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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