Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
