Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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