I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
