You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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