I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
