I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
