Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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