I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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