mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
