I skipped work to stalk him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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