She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
