Swine flu is the new snow day.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
