I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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