You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she peed on how many people?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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