Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
